Have you ever said "yes" to someone or to a situation but felt it was something you'd rather not do? Possibly, felt pressured into doing it because the person asking was a friend or your mom or a boss?
Perhaps you walked into a dark alley feeling it wasn't a good idea, but did it anyway, saying "yes" to a potentially bad situation? Maybe you had friends whom you felt didn't have your best interests at heart, yet you remained friends and subjected your Self to the toxicity because you didn't want to hurt their feelings.
In all of these scenarios, you are saying "No" to your Self and "Yes" to everyone else or other situations which may not be good for you. How does that feel? I think it feels super crappy. I've absolutely done this numerous times in my life. We say "yes", not really wanting to, and end up resenting the person or entity for whom we are volunteering our Self. JUST SAY NO!
Why is it so scary to say no to people? They are not more important than you. Their feelings are not more important that yours. Their time is not more important than yours. What is it, then?
I believe this inability to listen to our gut and do what benefits us is due to an internal struggle regarding our own self-worth and worrying what others will think. In the case of choosing a bad relationship or walking down a dark alley, it's a case of mis-trust. We don't trust that we know what's best for our selves.
Saying "No" when we want to is an amazing health booster. Let's reframe this.
You aren't feeling well and need some down time. Someone asks you to help them move. Which answer best suits you:
1. You say, "No". No explanation needed. What happens? You go home, rest, and recuperate over the weekend, preparing for the next few busy days at work.
2. You say, "Yes"? Well, you've now over-extended your Self, you feel worse, resent your friends for asking, and end up with declining health and have to take off the next few busy days of work. This means next weekend will be catch up time
....Which sounds more appealing?
Next, you meet a woman who is gorgeous, sassy, and about 2 weeks out of a 6 year relationship. You tell your Self she is amazing and you want to give this a shot. She can't commit and won't be able to for a long time as she is still autopsying her last relationship. Which answer sounds more appealing:
1. Yes: And after a mucho turbulent 6 months later you are realizing that she is seeing other people and lying to you about it, still can't commit, and news flash, is seeing her old flame again.
2. No: You recognize her need for space and get to know her from afar. You like her, but move on and don't commit to someone who can't commit to you.
Which sounds better? Yep, I thought so. TRUST YOUR GUT!
Let's talk about your HealthCare Team. You have a Massage Therapist who is an awesome person, but you aren't getting what you need from him/her. You keep putting money into it, yet you aren't getting the results you want. You can....
1. Say Yes to him/her, and continue feeling like you aren't being helped like you need to be, become resentful of him/her for spending your hard earned money with them, and in the end get mad at your Self for continuing the madness...All because you don't want to hurt someones feelings.
2. Say No to him/her, and not only are you giving them space for a new client who loves what they do, but you've also freed your Self to find the Massage Therapist you've always wanted and needed. The one who makes you feel heard, and cared for.
This, my friends, is a no brainer.
In the end, I hope we can all see how our own decisions create our lives and that we can't be used without our own permission. We can't be forced into doing anything we don't want to do and have the power to say "NO" when needed and warranted. Which of the answers above felt light and positive, and which felt heavy and negative? Remember that.
Love your Self.
A "No" to them, is a "Yes" to you.